it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
