I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
