she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
