I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
