Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
God I need to hump something, right now.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
