I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
