but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
