I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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