dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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