Pregnant stripper...not hot.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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