lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
