you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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