I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
