I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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