Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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