It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
