Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
