Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
