just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I have demons in me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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