Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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