yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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