nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
