She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
