Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
