a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
