fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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