Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
