it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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