I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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