I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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