Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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