I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
