Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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