the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
