3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
