After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
