youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
