party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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