am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
