So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
