i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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