I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Randomize
