I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
