....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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