Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She said her name was "party"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
