I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
