Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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