porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
