Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
