it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
