I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
