what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
