im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
When did angry sex become our thing?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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