I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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