oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
this is an emotional support booty call
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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