i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
